God Is My Medicine

How I learned to stop trying to heal myself

"In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait expectantly." — Psalm 5:3

My First Meeting of the Day

For years, I have wanted my first meeting every morning to be with God. It has been my goal to begin each day in His presence, just as Scripture encourages us to do.

I became a born-again Christian when I was sixteen years old, and my life has never been the same.

In those early years, everything felt new. God transformed so much in me because, truthfully, my life was already in shambles. I had very little left to hold on to, so my relationship with Him became everything.

As a teenager, I followed God's Word with all the understanding I had. I was zealous, committed, and eager to grow. I had no experience in much of anything... except God. (Smile.)

In my twenties, I became a teacher and speaker in women's ministry. I had the privilege of encouraging other women in their own walks with Christ, and it truly felt like God was leading me toward something bigger than myself.

When I Walked Away

Then life happened.

My twenty-year marriage ended.

And with it, so did my walk with God.

Not because I chose to reject Him, but because I was overwhelmed with shame. I had promised before God that I would stay with my husband until death separated us, and suddenly I couldn't keep that promise.

For two years, I wrestled with the decision to divorce. My husband had been unfaithful for years, and I found myself constantly fighting for a place in the life of someone who had stopped choosing me.

Eventually, I became emotionally exhausted.

I remember praying, "God... I can't walk this road anymore. I'm sorry."

The divorce happened, but something else happened too.

Instead of running toward God, I quietly drifted away.

The Valley

The years that followed were brutal.

I felt lost in every area of my life.

Looking back, I realize I entered a valley that lasted far longer than I ever imagined. I chose to walk through much of it on my own, convinced I had to figure everything out myself.

There are countless stories from those years—too many to share here—but one thing has become crystal clear in hindsight.

Even though I walked away from God...

He never walked away from me.

He remained there all along.

Watching.

Protecting.

Waiting.

Coming Home Isn't Easy

Today, I am forty-eight years old.

Somewhere along the way, a deep thirst for God's healing returned.

I finally reached the point where I said, "I'm done being the rebel."

I surrendered everything I still held tightly to and told Him I wanted to truly follow Him this time.

But after making a mess of my life for more than a decade, coming home isn't as simple as pretending nothing happened.

I returned to my Father's house carrying baggage.

• A backpack full of problems.

• Mistakes.

• Consequences.

Many of them created by my own choices.

• Now I am older.

• Not necessarily wiser.

• But certainly more tired.

• More weathered.

• More scarred.

God never left me.

He simply waited for me to turn around.

Learning I Can't Fix Myself

For years, I exhausted myself trying to repair the damage.

How do you undo years of poor decisions?

You can't.

Eventually, I had to accept that I could not rewrite my past.

I could only own it.

Learn from it.

And allow God to redeem it.

Ironically, those very experiences gave me something I never had before.

Compassion.

Today I understand people's pain differently because I've lived through my own.

My Daily Battles

When I first came to Christ as a teenager, I struggled with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I was deeply wounded.

Today, anxiety and depression are still part of my life.

The suicidal thoughts are gone, praise God, but I still carry scars.

Some are old.

Some are newer.

Some are self-inflicted wounds from places God never asked me to go.

Yet when I look back over those scars, I don't just see pain.

I see rescue.

I see grace.

I see countless moments where God stepped in and carried me when I couldn't carry myself.

I also live with ADHD, and it affects nearly every part of my daily life.

I know I need structure.

But the same mind that craves routine often becomes bored by it, and I abandon it.

So every day, I find myself returning to God again.

My Medicine Cabinet

When I was younger, I read the Bible because I wanted knowledge.

I wanted to understand.

I wanted to memorize Scripture.

I was endlessly curious about my Savior and wondered why He would sacrifice His life for someone like me.

Today...

I approach the Bible very differently.

I reach for it the way someone reaches for a medicine cabinet.

Every morning I wake up with something different.

• Anxiety.

• Fear.

• Discouragement.

• Shame.

• A difficult decision.

Or simply a goal I cannot accomplish on my own.

So I ask,

• "What do I need today?"

• "What do You want me to see today?"

For anxiety—which is usually my daily symptom—I reach for God's promises.

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." — James 4:8

Almost every path leads me back to gratitude.

Gratitude has become the vitamin for my spiritual immune system.

It protects me from living with a scarcity mindset.

Instead of focusing on everything I lack, it reminds me of all I have already been given.

God tells us to pray with thanksgiving.

So I do.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." — Philippians 4:6

When shame, depression, or low self-esteem begin speaking louder than truth, I return to my identity in Christ.

I remind myself:

• I am His child.

• I am His friend.

• I am chosen.

• I am justified.

• I am forgiven.

• I am free from condemnation.

• I am safe.

• I am a new creation.

• I am the light of the world.

• I am the salt of the earth.

• I am deeply loved by Him.

These truths steady my heart.

They bring me back when I begin drifting again.

Grace Still Amazes Me

Yes, I am full of cracks.

Flaws.

Regrets.

Self-inflicted wounds that God never asked me to collect.

I wandered away believing I knew better.

The reality is...

I didn't.

But instead of seeing my story as one of failure, I now see something much greater.

I see the magnitude of God's love.

How can Jesus still love me?

How can He still welcome me?

How can He still call me His own?

Every single day I ask for forgiveness.

Every single day I give thanks.

Because I know I could never earn this kind of love.

It is His grace that gives me peace.

So in the middle of my ordinary struggles, I continue asking,

"Lord... how can I serve You today?"

Because His Word truly has become life and medicine to me.

"For they are life to those who find them and health to one's whole body." — Proverbs 4:22

If You're Walking Through Your Own Valley

Dear friend,

If you are walking through a valley right now, don't lose heart.

God is there.

Even when you cannot feel Him.

Even when you think you've wandered too far.

Perhaps some of what you're experiencing will one day become the very thing God uses to comfort someone else.

Maybe there is a lesson that can only be understood by walking through it.

God has already given us the answers in His Word.

But sometimes, because of our human nature, we insist on learning certain lessons the hard way.

No matter where you are...

No matter how far you've wandered...

No matter how much pain you've carried...

The Father is still waiting.

With open arms.

Ready to welcome you home.

Until next time....

💙 Mirza