When the North Star Disappears

Having clarity in our life is so critical to our journeys. But, we don't always have it. There are too many distractions, shiny objects, exterior influences and even our own impatience that keeps us from staying the course. Turning our eyes upon Jesus as a North Star is the way to go. But, as in many things in life, it's easier said than done, right?

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I am living a very unusual season of my life now. I know for a fact that this will pass, and soon enough, I will look back at these uncertain times and understand why things had to happen the way they did.

If you know me, you know I’m a very introspective person. I try to find the meaning and purpose of things. I try to follow my north star.

So, it is not unusual for me to step back often, look back and ask questions:

“Am I happy with the results?”

“Could I have done better?”

“Does this still align with my purpose?” and,

“Do I still know my purpose in life?”

I can answer almost every question, except when I get to the purpose itself, I feel that it has shifted somehow. Not the destination, but routes changed on me. The winds change; the waters overpower me. The north star seems to have moved to the left, then the right…and yet other times, it’s not visible.

When the North Star Disappears 

That’s where I am today. It’s a cloudy season, and the wind doesn’t help because it’s going in all directions. I can’t see my north star. And I’ve stopped my journey and have sat down to wait until I can see again.  

You see, I can’t keep moving because I am facing many roads that cross. Doors before me with opportunity and roads not traveled. I also look back at journeys I started that never completed, and those journeys that I am inclined to walk away from.

I look up, and I can’t see my north star.

Since I’ve collected colossal failures in the past, I refuse to keep moving in the dark cloudy days.

But I get impatient.

Does this seem familiar? It’s easy to say “Just live your life and do what makes you happy.” If only it were that simple. Life isn’t simple. I know and understand this. It’s meant to challenge you, to make you grow and mature. And, painful, too.

But confusing? I don’t remember life being so confusing to me as it is now.

I have stopped moving, because I know I have lost my route.

My GPS is no longer working.

The compass is going crazy….and sometimes I think I am, too.

I can’t ask anyone for directions, because they don’t know where I am going.

Heck! They’re busy trying to figure out their own travels.

Life is a lonely road. Not lonely as in sad. Lonely as in, there is only room for one: You.

In moments like this, I try to get closer to God, to seek answers.

As I sit with Him and read his Word to understand, He shows me.

• Why am I lost?

• Where did I make the wrong turn?

• Why didn’t I wait?

Somewhere along the way, I did take the wrong turn, I misread a sign, and I decided to take a shortcut.

I wanted to take control somewhere, where I should have let Him.

I trusted my own insight and understanding and failed.

How does one correct our path now that we’ve gone so far out?

Can I make it back to the check point?

Do I have enough fuel (and will) to make it without losing hope?

The truth is sometimes we mess up so badly that not until we’re lost and confused is when we ask God for help.

So, I’ve been forced to sit here and wait on His aid.

He hasn’t said to keep going.

He also hasn’t said to stop, but I don’t know which road to take.

You see, He is my North Star and I can’t see it.

As I sit here waiting on answers, I have time to look back and understand.

I let my distractions lead and I also grew impatient.

I also listened to others’ counsel and followed the noise, thinking they’d know better.

I read somewhere that knowing how to act fast and make quick decisions is a sign of a “leader”.

Wrong!

While it is also not good to get paralyzed with decision making, It’s not about how fast you decide. It’s about what influences our decisions.

Upon looking at my decisions in light of the instructions that God gave me and I have totally missed the mark!

God said: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (Proverbs 3:5).

And I didn’t.

So here I am.

So how do I trust God?

Starting by spending more time with him. God is a relationship God. He wants to know that we count on Him for everything. The more we spend time reading his Word, learning about his love and His plans for our lives, the more we will be connected to Him.

I read a book once by Mark John Comer, titled The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. And it pretty much shows us how Jesus himself was NEVER in a hurry.

So, lessons I take away from this experience:

• Wait on the Lord

• Seek His Wisdom

• If it’s not clear, don’t act.

It is obvious that I’m going through some tough times that require decision making. And while I do not know where the road will lead in the next 6 months, I do know that if I let God lead, I will be more than ok.

Trusting God with Your Decisions

If you’re going through a similar situation or facing hard decisions, know that you are not alone in this. Many of us  (if not all) have been there and while we’ve all made mistakes, remember that if you lean into God and seek for His guidance, He will give you the answers.

Cast your cares on Jesus (1 Peter 5:7) and let Him carry those burdens. Get close to Jesus and really tell him your deepest fears and concerns. Even though He knows about them already, He wants to know that you WANT Jesus in your life. This truly makes His heart full.

As for me, I will continue in waiting and trusting God and His process. I am grateful for the opportunity to share this with you and if you need anything or a word of encouragement, know that I am here.

Until next time….

Your friend,

Mirza 💙